Grief Talk #2

Royal Farris

When I am talking to someone early in her grief journey I explain to her that it is going to be not only painful, but confusing.

No One grieves the same. And just because someone else has grieved it does not mean they understand what you are going through.

And it will make you mad if someone tells you she knows how you feel.
She doesn’t.
But she really thinks she does.

You are angry because you feel your grieve is devalued because she thinks she knows and she is angry that you think she doesn’t know.

Whew … Pain and confusion. There are friendships and marriages that end during grief.

I warn her that friends don’t want you to grieve. It makes them uncomfortable. They want you to finish grieving and go back to who you were.

Some of your friends may overwhelm you with attention and you will want to be alone. Others will give their condolences, hang with you just a little, and then avoid you till they think you are better.

The grieving person will struggle with denial, depression, anger, fear, loneliness… When you think you are getting better it will come back with a vengeance on a holiday, with a memory, or just out of nowhere.

You will get better. You will get better. You will get better

You have to understand that others just don’t understand.
And you will never really understand ….

You will never be the same as you were before the loss.

There will always be an inner pain.

And here is the hard part.

You choose…… To live …. To live the best you can.
To go on. People survive and they even thrive.

It may not feel like that is possible now.

But it is ….

You will never forget ….
But the loss will have to move away from the center of your life where it holds you back to a place where you can actually gather strength from the memory.

Scriptures tell us that God is the God of all comfort. And God’s goal when He comforts you is to give you peace while making you stronger.

We will talk more about that in another session.

Let the healing begin.

I hope this helps. If you think this will help someone else, please pass it on.

I will continue talking about grief on Friday’s post.

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Thanks for watching and God bless.