15-12-02 Good News about marr Blab
Notes from blab post ….  Good News About Marriage … Click here to see video ….

Good News About Marriage

Session 1 – The Myths About Marriage And Divorce

Source: The Good News About Marriage By Shaunti Feldhaun

Divorce is not the greatest threat to marriage.

Discouragement is.

“I believe any marriage can be saved.” ~ Royal Farris

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Gen 2:18

Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. Gen 2:22

Men and women are so different. But they are different for a reason. Their strengths and weaknesses compliment each other and make them stronger.

God’s Love List

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

1 Cor 13:4-

Five Myths About Marriage And Divorce

  • Divorce rate is 50%
  • Most marriages are just average or surviving.
  • Divorce rate in the church is the same as the rest of the world.
  • A low percentage of remarriages make it.
  • Fixing a bad marriage means major changes and may be hopeless

Good News About Marriage And Divorce

Good News #1:

The vast majority of marriages last a lifetime; the current divorce rate has never been close to 50% – it is closer to 20-25% for first time marriages and 31% for all marriages – and has been declining for years.

When people do not accept divine guidance, they run wild. But whoever obeys the law is joyful. Pro 29:18

KJV .. No vision…

Fact #1: The divorce rate has never been 50%

According to most recent Census Bureau Survey …

72% of those who have ever been married are still married to their first spouse.

The 28% difference includes death of spouse.

“Imagine the difference in our collective consciousness if we say “Most marriages last a lifetime” rather than “Half of marriages end in divorce.”

Fact #2: The divorce rate has been declining for years.

There was a divorce boom when the “no-fault divorce” was introduced in the 1970s. The peak was in 1981and then started declining.

Fact #3:   Certain patterns and actions increase or

               decrease the chance of staying married.

The divorce rate of people in lower risk categories could be as low as 5 to 10 percent.

Factors that lower divorce risk:

  • Make it to fifth anniversary
  • Waiting till mid-twenties
  • College Education
  • Church Attendance
  • Not living together first
  • Living together first without a commitment increases the risk.
  • Community of supportive friends and family

Good News #2

The vast majority of marriages are happy. (Around 80%) Most people are glad they married their spouse and, given the chance, would do it all over again.

Fact #1: Around 80% of marriages are happy.

Based on results of several studies

Question asked on survey:

Are you, personally, generally happy in your marriage these days and enjoying being married?

  1. Yes
  2. Yes, most of the time
  3. It depends—sometimes yes and sometimes no.
  4. Not really
  5. No! I am really unhappy.

The highly happy marriages were when both spouses, anonymously answered yes.

Highly Happy couples       34%

Happy couples                   37%

So-So Struggling             29%

One or both picked 3, 4 or 5

71% of couples are happy and 1/3 very happy.

Fact #2: Most people are glad they married their spouse

and would do it all over again.

Marist poll found that 95% said they married the right person.

Fact #3: Most of those who aren’t happy will be if they

stay committed for five years.

Divorce usually brings more and different pain.

“Unhappy adults who were perhaps trying to escape one type of pain by divorcing instead experience a different type of pain. There was an increase in depression and alcoholism.” Pg 52

  • Two out of three unhappily married adults who avoided divorce or separation ended up happily married five years later.
  • Among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of ten who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.

Rejoice in the wife of your youth. Pro 5:18

Good News #3 ..

The rate of divorce in the church is 25-50 lower than among those who don’t attend worship services, and those who prioritize their faith and/or pray together are dramatically happier and more connected.

Couples who go to church have the lowest divorce rate of any group studied.

Those who are active in their faith are far more likely to also be very happy in their marriage. Pg 77

When God is at center of marriage.

  • Very Happy 53%
  • Happy         40%
  • Struggling     7%

Good News #4

The large majority of remarriages last. Among women in second marriages, 65% are still married to their spouse, and those who aren’t, many are widowed instead of divorced.

What percent of marriages are remarriages?

  • First Marriage          80.5%
  • Second Marriage     15.8%
  • Third or more             3.8%

Remarriages appear to have a somewhat higher divorce rate, especially in the first five years. But the evidence shows that remarriages, especially second marriages, can be expected to last a lifetime.

2009 Census Bureau – Women

  • Still married to 1st spouse – 71% – men 81%
  • Still married to 2nd spouse – 65% – men 78%
  • Still married to 3rd spouse – 59% – men 75%

(Widowhood factors into these numbers)

Good News #5

In most cases, having a good marriage or improving a struggling one doesn’t have to be ultra complicated or solve deep , systemic issues; small changes can and do often make a big difference.

What usually happens is that a husband and wife that truly love each other are tripped up by some relatively simple things, often resulting from a lack of knowledge about what the other person needs or what hurts them.

Fact #1: More than 99% of spouses deeply care

             about each other.

Even in the most troubled marriages spouses say they care for each other. 97%

It is important to believe the best of your spouse’s intentions even when you have been hurt.

When asked what is the thing you most want your spouse to know about you?

The answer was “How much I love her”

Top answer from women, “He is my hero.”

Fact #2: In 82% of struggling couples, one partner

               Is simply unaware the other is not happy.

Marriages Where One or Both Spouses are less than happy.

  • Both partners agree unhappy     – 18%
  • One thinks its happy                   – 82%

He cares about his wife deeply. He would die for her. The problem is he doesn’t necessarily know how to live for her.