A sign of a good marriage is good fighting…
How to Have Good Fights
1) Know when you are angry.
- Different ways we show our anger and it is easy to be in denial.
- An alert spouse will see your anger before you do.
- Agree on a safe word for recognized anger and give value to the feelings of your spouse.
A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. Prov 15:1
Either party can call time out to let the air out of anger.
And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Eph 4:26-27
You can shift gears and start over at any time. Don’t go off and leave unresolved anger.
2) Take time to connect with God before continuing.
the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control… Gal 5:22-23
3) Have fight rules and play fair.
So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. Eph 4:25
- Don’t lie
- Don’t exaggerate
- Don’t call names
- Don’t compare with others
- Don’t be defensively offensive.
- Don’t blame the other for your offense
- Don’t use old resolved issues as ammunition
- Talk about your own feelings (I Messages)
- Accept your own responsibility
- Talk about the problem and not the person
- Confess being wrong
- See and feel the pain of your mate
- Repent (Don’t do again)
- Ask for forgiveness
- Forgive and release
Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” 22 “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven.. Matthew 18:2-22
“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matt 6:14-15
5) Constantly seek unity through your love for Christ and His love for you.
Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? 2 Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose. Phil 2:1-2