By the way:  I do recommend this book for everyone married or not.  As a counselor it improved my counseling talents incredibly and changed a lot of relationships for the better.

This is an excerpt from the email I sent to my men’s leadership group.  They have committed to reading a book a month on a variety of subjects, and this month they are reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. 

I am loving the feedback I have received on The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman…..Some people have gone from haters to lovers……(of the book or the idea of the book)

 When you ask men to read a book that is geared toward better relationships there is an automatic rejection with a lot of men….I saw it in my counseling practice…Most of the time, married men would not come to counseling because they believed they were doing their part in the marriage and if there was a problem, it was the wife.

 I am not sure why that it is.  It probably has to do with the fact that men don’t look for as much conversation or fuss in a relationship as women do.  Women say, “Let’s get help.”  Men say, “I am fine.  You got the problem.”  or “It would be better if we just had more sex.”    There is also the man’s idea, usually not always, that we can figure it out without help.

 So…A few guys have started off reading this book thinking, “Why is Royal making us read this book?  I have been married, its Ok…I don’t need it.”  But after sticking with their Iron Men commitment, they have been pleasantly surprised and learned some valuable and applicable information.

 How many of you have been surprised at how you tested out with your love language?  How about your wives?  I have heard a couple of guys say they were surprised to find out they have not been communicating love to their wives very well……

 I told you…The information in this book, when applied, can greatly improve even mature marriages.

 Lines from the book….

  • Most of us have grown up learning the language of our parents and siblings.
  • We speak and understand best, our native language.
  • We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.  (Or kids, or other people close to you)
  • They may learn a secondary language, but they will always feel more comfortable with their primary language.
  • IMPORTANT:  Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language.  We speak our own love language and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating….